Today i went back to hospital to follow up my patient. Since such a long time i never go back to medical ward because i currently posted in Paeds ward, the medical ward is just 1 level below paeds ward, so i decided to walk down to see awhether any interesting case in the medical ward.
When i first entered the medical ward, i quickly search through the patient's face, because through their face i can sort of know what kind of disease they are having, either dengue fever? asthma? heart problem? just based on their apperance and look. so i quickly search through while walked pass each of them until the end of the ward, then i went backwards to read some case file and see some x ray. After reading the case file, i walked back to the end of the ward again, while i passed through 1 bed....................................i almost get shocked...........................i can feel my heart suddenly pump harder and faster for few seconds...........i almost cant believe what i saw...................................i saw an old man sleeping on that bed.............................................with oxygen mask covering his mouth and nose....he was breathing through his mouth........................................he reminded me of someone..................he reminded me of my UNCLE........................................who passed away last year September.............................i was so shocked.....both of them looked alike.............i still remember last year during chinese new year, i came back from KL for chinese new year break, i went to hospital and visit my uncle.....he also lying there on bed with oxygen mask covering his mouth and nose....sleeping......but i can see that he is catching his breath that time...............................now.................another old man..............same position, same look, same appearance...................................................................oh my god, i cant believe in my bare eye....is this possible? is he my uncle? i was wondering................he came back and see me.............??? he came back and see how am i doing????? is it possible????? i can feel i was tensing my neck at that moment, things people usually do when they know they are going to cry but try to supress it.......i can feel that my eye started to get wet........................................my hands are cold.....................i was standing there.....far from his bed......i saw another person......probably his daughter was sleeping beside the bed...........i was looking at him...........seeing him breathe slowly..but with effort........probably he has breathlessness.......
Although for quite some time my uncle had passed away.....i still keep thinking of him from time to time....because he is the only person in the world who love me besides my parents...he treated me like his own son........Even before he passed away...while he was at his 80s.......because i was staying far away from home to KL for study...sometimes i dreamt that he passed away in my dream....that was the thing i afraid the most at that time...I remembered most of the time i woke up with tears in my eye....but everytime i was glad that it was just a dream.......................i cant imagine when it can really happen.........well....today, he was no longer beside me......from the day he passed away......i knew that in this world....there will be 1 person less that treat me so well...............
Among my family members....other than my parent, he is another reason why i always keep myself motivated..........i knew that he wanted me to be success......that's why i am who i am now....i want him to be proud that i am studying medicine........
Even now, from time to time....i still think of the happy moment together....what topic i was sharing with him...how he brought me to school....how he fetch me after tuition.....how he scolded me.......how he played with me when i was a small kid....and lasted how i feed him in the hospital....Forgetting somone you love can never be easy.....i can say is impossible....
Sometimes, i was wondering....where is my uncle now? the other world??? watching me from the sky...................?? is there any way he can know how am i doing now in this world ? i really miss him alot.....i hope i can talk with him more.....i hope i can dream of him more often...although i know is just a dream....and dream can be over....but i dont mind.
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